| A shattered heartI missed my sister's graduation today. Had I known about it I would have been there. No one called me to tell me it was today. My mother called me after I had missed it to tell me what I shit I am for missing it. I yelled at her. "Why didn't you tell me?" She said I should have known. She said I knew my sister was a senior and that it's June so I should've known it was coming up and I should have called her for the information. I guess I just assumed that for something as important as this I would've been called by those who had the information but I guess from now on if there is an event going on it's my responcibility to use psychic powers to predict that there might be one and call for the info. I called my sister to congratulate her and to apologize for my absence. She was very understanding and said she would've called me herself but thought that our mother had told me. I did speak to my mother twice this week... both times I called her. She could've taken either of those opportunities to say "hey your sister graduates this weekend you going to be there?" but she didn't. My heart is broken. It seems my mother felt she had some point to prove and used an important day that I will never get back to do it. I'm sorry mother but I must have missed the point you were trying to make because I still feel that if you are the one privy to information that you are the one who should call the people it pertains to and let them know. I wouldn't expect my mother to guess when something was coming up in my life.... I'd tell her. People have a lot on their minds and don't always think about things. Yes I knew my sister was a senior and yes I knew she would be graduating... but I assumed I would get a call with the details and never once thought I would miss it. I love my mother she does a lot for me I don't want people to think she is awful but sometimes she just does things like this. I don't know why. She likes to complain about me to her friends and tell them what a demon seed I am.... lately her gripe has been that I didn't have a job... now that I have one she had nothing to complain about.... I guess she does now. |
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| Brighter days are here againI've decided to do some things for myself. Things that hopefully will help me to get my life back on track. I've joined a fitness study at a gym, I got a job (woot needed that), and of course I'm trying to get myself back into blogging. I do suffer from mental illness (I'm bipolar) and there have been some other issues that have arisen because I have not been on medication for that in the last 10 years. Things have gotten progressivly worse since I've been dealing with it on my own. My anxiety has gotten worse and it's difficult for me to leave the house alone. I did do it today to go to my first workout in the fitness study. I will be walking to and from each workout. My anxiety goes crazy at the thought of leaving the house but I forced myself to do it and I feel all the better for doing so. I know I have some tough days ahead but I am going to put my mental illness back in check and do what I need to do. Having people around me who are supportive definately helps. I will be posting all about my fitness study on my Nutang so if you are interested click the link below and go check it out. I also want to get my creative juices flowing and get back into my creative writing so hopefully soon you will see some new blogs from me on my myspace. Well that is all for now... and that is enough. Random things (Nutang) My myspace (creative writing and poetry) |
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| Sick leaveI haven't been feeling well these last few days. I had an allergic reaction that turned into a cold anyway there is something on my mind that I want to post about but it is long and I'm not feeling well enough right now to type it all out... perhaps tomorrow or the next day. |
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| Powdered wishes and satin dreamsToday is my sister's prom. She asked me a few months ago if I would do her make up for it. So today I went out to her house to do it. Last night Russ brought me home the wise onioin ring version of funyons which I love, they are so good. I ate like half the bag! Later that night I started feeling an allergy coming on... my throat was closing, I was itchy, stuffy nose, etc... I thought maybe I was allergic to something in dinner I had earlier but then I checked the bag of onion rings and as it turns out there is MSG in it. GRRRRR. I have terrible reactions to that crap. I have anxiety already and MSG makes it worse. So anyway I was sick all night and when I got up this morning I had barely gotten any sleep and I was stilll feeling the effects of the MSG. I had a nasty panic attack this morning because going out of the house is already difficult for me and causes me anxiety and with the MSG in my system it was just bad. I called my friend Kim to ask her to talk me down so I could function and she offered to drive me to my moms house rather then my having to take the train. Going out of the house with someone I know is still kind of hard but it's a whole lot easier then going out alone. I am so grateful to her for taking me because if I had to take the train I would've been a wreck by the time I got to my moms and wouldn't have been of any use to anyone. Thanks to her when I got to my moms I was calm and my sisters make up turned outt beautiful. I also did her friends who's came out equally as beautiful. I'm so glad I was able to do that for my sister it was awesome seeing her all dressed up and going off to the prom in the limo. I will of course post pictures when I get them... stupidly in my distress this morning I forgot my camera and had to take pictures with my sisters camera so when she loads them onto her computer and sends them to me I will definately post them. Well thats all for now.. Good night all you people in cyber space.... and remember ... the light at the end of the tunnel... may be you. |
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| Updates GalloreOk so I finally updated my website ... phew... that was a lot of work. I built that site while I was still in college I can honestly say my skills as a designer have come a long way... I looked at my site and was just like wow this is shit. Anyway it looks much better now check it out if you'd like... I used to do a Letters answered column on that site that I'd like to start up again but since I stopped updating the site people have stopped writing so as soon as I get enough e-mails to where I can start that up again I will. Other then that all I have to say is doooo doooo doooooooo That is all! |
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