NYDragonGirl's Xanga

A shattered heart

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 17:18:15 GMT

I missed my sister's graduation today. Had I known about it I would have been there. No one called me to tell me it was today. My mother called me after I had missed it to tell me what I shit I am for missing it. I yelled at her. "Why didn't you tell me?" She said I should have known. She said I knew my sister was a senior and that it's June so I should've known it was coming up and I should have called her for the information. I guess I just assumed that for something as important as this I would've been called by those who had the information but I guess from now on if there is an event going on it's my responcibility to use psychic powers to predict that there might be one and call for the info. I called my sister to congratulate her and to apologize for my absence. She was very understanding and said she would've called me herself but thought that our mother had told me. I did speak to my mother twice this week... both times I called her. She could've taken either of those opportunities to say "hey your sister graduates this weekend you going to be there?" but she didn't. My heart is broken. It seems my mother felt she had some point to prove and used an important day that I will never get back to do it. I'm sorry mother but I must have missed the point you were trying to make because I still feel that if you are the one privy to information that you are the one who should call the people it pertains to and let them know. I wouldn't expect my mother to guess when something was coming up in my life.... I'd tell her. People have a lot on their minds and don't always think about things. Yes I knew my sister was a senior and yes I knew she would be graduating... but I assumed I would get a call with the details and never once thought I would miss it. I love my mother she does a lot for me I don't want people to think she is awful but sometimes she just does things like this. I don't know why. She likes to complain about me to her friends and tell them what a demon seed I am.... lately her gripe has been that I didn't have a job... now that I have one she had nothing to complain about.... I guess she does now.

Brighter days are here again

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 21:33:57 GMT

I've decided to do some things for myself. Things that hopefully will help me to get my life back on track. I've joined a fitness study at a gym, I got a job (woot needed that), and of course I'm trying to get myself back into blogging. I do suffer from mental illness (I'm bipolar) and there have been some other issues that have arisen because I have not been on medication for that in the last 10 years. Things have gotten progressivly worse since I've been dealing with it on my own. My anxiety has gotten worse and it's difficult for me to leave the house alone. I did do it today to go to my first workout in the fitness study. I will be walking to and from each workout. My anxiety goes crazy at the thought of leaving the house but I forced myself to do it and I feel all the better for doing so. I know I have some tough days ahead but I am going to put my mental illness back in check and do what I need to do. Having people around me who are supportive definately helps. I will be posting all about my fitness study on my Nutang so if you are interested click the link below and go check it out. I also want to get my creative juices flowing and get back into my creative writing so hopefully soon you will see some new blogs from me on my myspace. Well that is all for now... and that is enough.

Random things (Nutang)

My myspace (creative writing and poetry)

Sick leave

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 23:06:46 GMT

I haven't been feeling well these last few days. I had an allergic reaction that turned into a cold anyway there is something on my mind that I want to post about but it is long and I'm not feeling well enough right now to type it all out... perhaps tomorrow or the next day.

Powdered wishes and satin dreams

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 01:08:44 GMT

Today is my sister's prom. She asked me a few months ago if I would do her make up for it. So today I went out to her house to do it. Last night Russ brought me home the wise onioin ring version of funyons which I love, they are so good. I ate like half the bag! Later that night I started feeling an allergy coming on... my throat was closing, I was itchy, stuffy nose, etc... I thought maybe I was allergic to something in dinner I had earlier but then I checked the bag of onion rings and as it turns out there is MSG in it. GRRRRR. I have terrible reactions to that crap. I have anxiety already and MSG makes it worse. So anyway I was sick all night and when I got up this morning I had barely gotten any sleep and I was stilll feeling the effects of the MSG. I had a nasty panic attack this morning because going out of the house is already difficult for me and causes me anxiety and with the MSG in my system it was just bad. I called my friend Kim to ask her to talk me down so I could function and she offered to drive me to my moms house rather then my having to take the train. Going out of the house with someone I know is still kind of hard but it's a whole lot easier then going out alone. I am so grateful to her for taking me because if I had to take the train I would've been a wreck by the time I got to my moms and wouldn't have been of any use to anyone. Thanks to her when I got to my moms I was calm and my sisters make up turned outt beautiful. I also did her friends who's came out equally as beautiful. I'm so glad I was able to do that for my sister it was awesome seeing her all dressed up and going off to the prom in the limo. I will of course post pictures when I get them... stupidly in my distress this morning I forgot my camera and had to take pictures with my sisters camera so when she loads them onto her computer and sends them to me I will definately post them. Well thats all for now.. Good night all you people in cyber space.... and remember ... the light at the end of the tunnel... may be you.

Updates Gallore

Fri, 08 Jun 2007 05:08:39 GMT

Ok so I finally updated my website ... phew... that was a lot of work. I built that site while I was still in college I can honestly say my skills as a designer have come a long way... I looked at my site and was just like wow this is shit. Anyway it looks much better now check it out if you'd like... I used to do a Letters answered column on that site that I'd like to start up again but since I stopped updating the site people have stopped writing so as soon as I get enough e-mails to where I can start that up again I will. Other then that all I have to say is

doooo doooo doooooooo

That is all!

The banners are coming, the banners are coming!

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 09:30:44 GMT

Ok so I pimped my myspace a bit.... well I added banners and kind of cleaned some things up. Also finally fixed the text issue I was having where the text didn't fill out the whole table... it does now so I'm happy bout that. I'm still working on my NuTang but it's a lot of css code which I'm not too good at. Anyway if you want to check out my NuTang. my flixster, or myspace you can click the banners below.


My Myspace Profile An in depth profile and where I put my creative writing	My Home Page Me Central...where it all begins	My Media Site Download music, movies, TV shows.

I made one for this site as well which is on my myspace... in case you are interested this is what it looks like

By the Gods how the days go by

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 03:47:35 GMT

It's been a really long time since my last entry... I've been working with my myspace quite a bit. I have to get back into writing everyday I mean I know not many people actually read this junk or even care about what I have to say but writing in a blog for me is a kind of catharsis and I miss doing it. I've been known to get lazy and go for months without adding an entry and I always regret not doing it. I enjoy being able to look back at the events of my life and see how far I've come. Anyway I have this site as my daily life blog, my myspace for my poetry and creative writing, flixster for my movies, and I just signed up for NuTang for all my random crap that I like to share with people. I'm still waiting for acceptance to NuTang but once I get in I will post links to my myspace, flixster, and NuTang for all 3 of you who read my xanga to check out. As for my life as of late nothing really has happened. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and have been actively trying to change my out look on some things. I will share all of that stuff with you in the upcoming days. Don't want to overwhelm on the first day back.

Trip to Florida

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 18:58:59 GMT

Ok so I went to Florida with my mom, sister, and her friend. We went to visit my grandpa. We drove down through the night so we wouldn't have to stop at a hotel along the way. My mom and I switched driving. She drove during the day but since I am a night owl and used to staying up all night I drove the night shift. We left NY at 7am and arrived in Florida at 5am the next day. This was an actual vacation. We lounged at the pool and the beach most of the time we were there. We also did some shopping. One of the days we went to the zoo. It was a perfect balance of relaxation and activity rather then those so-called vacations where you try to squish a lifetime of sight seeing into a week and end up going home more tired and in need of a vacation then you did when you left. It was really awesome seeing my grandfather again. I miss him so much now that he moved down there. To be honest though I would like to move down there myself. While we were there Mom and I looked at apartments. Everything down there is so afordable it's great. I've been talking to Russ about making this move and he actually seems interested. However we will not be able to make the move until his mom is finacially set here as she depends on our income to live in this house. Anyway here is a picture from my trip. It's just one of me I will post more soon when I get them.

Read my poetry on my myspace.

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 21:31:04 GMT

I try to write a new poem everyday. Sometimes it's every other day. I don't know what's been going on here with my xanga. I know I've been slacking off. Maybe everytime I post a poem I should post it here too cause it is part of my life. I was trying to keep this strictly diary entries but I don't know. My poetry is better then nothing. I've just been slumpy lately ... like I can't even say "same shit different day" cause absolutely nothing goes on in my life right now. Although last weekend we went to NJ to visit Russ's family for his grandfather's 73rd birthday which was cool. I drank a bit too much and I think everyone knew it. That was a little embarrassing. It was understandable though cause I was crazy nervous. I did this tribute for him on behalf of Russ's mom where I made a DVD movies out of pictures and made a "this is your life". So I was really worried bout that. It went well though everyone really liked it which I am so glad for. This coming up weekend I will be heading down to Florida to visit my grandfather. I don't have the money to pay for anything while I'm down there but my mom agreed to pay my way if I work it off. I know she is gonna work me like a slave though and that is a bit nerve wracking. I have to dye my hair again before I go. It really needs to be done. Anyway thats really it. Which may seem like a lot but only that in the last I don't know 4 months it really isn't that much. It'll be nice to go see grandpa though. I miss him a lot. Well ok there is my entry for today.

NY Dragon Girl's Myspace

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thu, 26 Jan 2006 17:02:43 GMT

I have a job interview today at 3:30 please wish my poor broke unemployed ass some luck thanks.